i miss you guys so much and i just want to scream but i dont want to seem clingy and annoying so ill write it here in the void that i dont think anyone looks at. the misty rain is reminding me of early mornings and hot chocolate and cats and theyre playing songs that make me think of you and i havent see you all in so long it hurts a bit. but i dont think you miss me as much as i miss you. and thats ok. life goes on. i just didnt think it would become a memory so soon. im really trying to keep in touch. but ive never been good at that anyways. shits hard. i understand if yall want to move on. i wish you would just say it outright tho. but everyones busy and maybe i am just overthinking. but if any of you are reading this just know that i miss you so so so much <3
feliz cinco de mayo! sorry for the weird cryptic kinda depressing last posts. just shitty thingz going on but im mostly good now. i have so much free time now tho its quite strange. i think i might try to go to an open mic on sunday ooooo singing in front of people is scary but if i wanna do music guess i have to get used to it lmao. school is almost over!! 2 move weeks then im free >:) my family is going to nyc at the beginning of summer so thatll be fun maybe idk ive never been. i kinda hate traveling probably cause of the autism but if its a cool place i will do my best to enjoy it! woo fun! ok byeee :)
i guess itll never really be the same huh?
hi specific human do not read this or do i dont care but im just venting. why does nobody fucking tell me things? did you really thinkk i wouldnt knwo something was wrong? do i not get to know what the hell is going on before i pick sides. i dont want to fucking pick sides. this is what i was worried about. yall are my life and i litterally dont have other friends. cause ive spent all my fucking time with yall. what the fuck happened. at least no ones mad at me. you are all full grown adults why do you always get in so much drama. its really not that hard to just not get into drama. of course i couldnt even if i tried. but i like it that way. bro fuck this shit i want to run away. yall are really the only thing keeping me in this hot fucking city. if this ends i guess ill be free from anything. i could just leave. just what the fuck??????????? >:(
i dont want to start over
bro im so tired i cant keep my eyes open my head is so heavy help
hi. it is finals week. i finished everything so im just sitting here. im so bored TT I think I did ok but we shall seeeee. it is a half day so in an hour i get to go home. but until then i have nothing to do. and my phone is dead. ble.
lmao our school's bathroom caught on fire
...anyways Im so excited for christmas & winter break. This semester is almost over and I am so ready for a new start. Ooh Also I was so bored that I tried making acsii art in google docs. Idk if the formatting with work here but ill try.
lmao no it did not work. thats ok. my html skills are just shit
hellooo today has been nice. im bored and i want to add more to this site but idk what and also my coding skills are basically nonexsistent. but update on the tattoo stuff i tattooed a very small star on my ankle yesterday and i think it turned out ok! now we just wait and see if i did it right or if it's going to fade away. its very cold today. which is nice becuase its normally very hot but also i am freezing. wooo winter time! im excited
hello. if you know me irl you may know that I have recently picked up what be my most dangerous hyperfixation yet: tattooing! jk ill be super careful. But yeah i did my research bought some needles and ink and fake skin and ive been practicing woo. Im doing handpoked not machine cause machines are too confusing and complicated. also i have contamination ocd so im already a pro at keeping everything clean and avoiding cross contamination and stuff >:) the one time my ocd comes in handy lmao. but yes we shall see how that goes. ugh i just want to do art all day i hate capitalism and work bleh.
ey its 11:11. anyways. I dont feel as much like shit but still a bit like shit. I really want to be working on music right now but instead im stuck at school TT. I've been in a music writting art block and a couple days i finally wrote something i really like and i just want to record it and produce it aaaaaaa. but alas, im at school and i cannot do that. At least the weather is nice and rainy and cozy. The weekend went by so fast :'( oh! i do have a song set to release next month i think. I just pitched it to get on spotify playlists which would be really cool so wish me luck!
i feel like shit
hi im doing pretty good woo. i dont think anyone reads these or looks at my website regularly lol but fyi, for a school project we were supposed make a website on google sites but i though nah ill just code the whole thing on neocities cause thats more fun lmao. so yes if you stumble upon a page talking about Mexico in Spanish with terrible grammar thats what that is.
hellooooo im so exccited!!! my dad goes to a lot of estate sales for his work and yesterday he found a bunch of g1 my little ponies. They're in pretty rough shape but that means I get to fix them up and restore them. I'm so excited. I have a small collection of mlp figures mostly g4 from when I was little, but now it shall expand! Maybe ill end up making a page on here for my collection. eeeek! Im so grateful! More exciting news: I got a job interview for a roller rink. We'll see what happens but it'll be an interesting experiece whether I get the job or not. :D ok bye
hi! im back at school now. a lot has happened i suppose. i released another song! and my birthday was last week. that was fun. i also went to my friend from elementary school's quince. it was nice to see her after so long. anyways theres not a ton to talk about. honestly im just bored so im writing this in class. oh! i dyed my hair last night. i tried to do stripes of blue and purple but it kinda just turned out galaxy ish which is still cool! ok thats it good byeee.
hellooooo! its been a while sorry about that. but ive been feeling really great!i think the meds are working which is very good woo i love not feeling shitty every single day. i had a dance performance on sunday. that was fun! now im just cleaning my room which is taking a couple of days cause i keep getting distracted lol. i also added some old clothes to my depop if you wanna check it out! um yeah thats pretty much it. still working on some music and stuff. oh and im trying to convince my parents to get a cat and its not going super well but i will not give up! so if anyone has any tips lmk lmao.
hi! im feeling much better since my last entry. yesterday i woke up feeling amazing which is very rare so that was fun! today i woke up to starting my period so that was not as fun but i feel pretty ok right now. i made some tea and cut up a peach and am sitting on my bed watching youtube videos and i feel very cozy ^^. i have a long math final tomorrow which i am not looking forward too but once it is done, i wont have to think about this stupid algebra class ever again. by this time tomorrow i will be done. and then dance starts back up again sunday! so i just need to get through tomorrow. arg its so annoying i have to download this creepy online proctoring app and everything. anyways, ive been playing minecraft a TON recently. Ive been playing since i was little but ive realized theres so much ive never messed around with like redstone and the end and stuff. right now ive basically just been building things i copied off of pinterest but hopefully soon i will learn how to design my own bulids and stuff. yay
aaaaaa fuck im so bored and lonely. i just am in a constant state of wanting to claw my eyes out. im just so frikin bad at making friends and talking to people. then add to that covid ocd, depression, social anxiety, and a lack of transportation and you get one very sad and alone human. idk what im going to do if im stuck in this frikin house for one more day. and its not like i never get out. i do things. but i guess it just doesnt compensate for the almost 3 years spent inside with almost no human interaction outside of my family due to covid. so i still end up feeling empty. its so annoying cause its like i cant spend one second alone without falling back into depression mode. like i thought i was an introvert but i guess not. i just dont feel close to anyone and its very lonely. sorry for the rant lol. im sure ill be fine eventually. plus i have therapy tomorrow lmao.
i feel really good right now! content :) I just watched episodes 17 and 18 of season 2 of the owl house and oh my god. it's so freaking good holy shit. i just want to give all of them a huge hug. god i hate diseny for not giving it more seasons -_- . anyways I was looking through my old journals last night and gosh its so weird how much ive changed. Especially since covid. Im a completely different person. Im glad I have all those journals though. Started my 12th one since 2018 yesterday. Its very interesting to read my old entries.
Hi! Im in colorado right now. My grandparents live in the mountains and it's very pretty! Also cold but it's a nice break from the 1 million degree texas weather. It's been a pretty chill trip. We've just gone on some hikes and enjoyed the fresh air. Thank you for listening to my song! It's almost at 100 streams on spotify which is very cool! I have some more songs that are almost finished so i hope to release those soon aswell!
I finally did it! I released a single. It's called limbo and you can find a bit more info on the music section of this site if you wish to check it out! Well, technically it's not on spotify yet cause they're still processing it and stuff but I think it's on itunes rn! Very exciting. Also scary. But exciting. Not much else is new. Summer is coming up soon! I'm excited but im also worried Im just going to be super bored the whole summer cause I dont have much to do and it's hard to coordinate stuff with friends cause everyone is going on vacation and stuff. But hopefully Ill find something to do!
Hello! It's been a while but Im back! Im really excited cause I think I'm going to realease some music soon and Ive been working on it forever so itll be so cool to finally put it out. I'm really bad at actually finishing projects so I'll feel so acomplished if it actually happens. But yes, I've been drawing some potential cover ideas and it's so fun! On sunday I got to watch the filming of a dance film that two people from my dance company thing are in. It was so professional and cool! Im so excited to see the finished film!
Hi! Today was pretty uneventful. I just had to write an essay for school. I procrastinated a ton but I did it eventually (like an hour before it was due oof) but it turned out fine in the end. I think. I guess we'll see.
Hello! I think ive found my new hyperfixation for the next week lol. Coding is so fun! I feel like it should not be this fun it's just typing stuff that would normaly make no sense at all but its very fun! Anyways, right now Im waiting for my friend to pick me up to go see their other friends play so that'll be fun. I haven't gone out much this week because I usually have dance class every other day but lots of people got sick so we dont have class till next Friday and Im dying. I dont think Ive gone without dance this long in a while. But yeah, I hope they all get better soon!♡