Diary~
table of contents
March 1, 2025 9:41pm
skateparks and longing for a time i never knew
⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*
hi! im gonna try to not be as emo and use this as an actual blog. i got a cd player and am currently listening to ichika aoba. i've been going to the skatepark a lot! it's really nice and fun, and makes me remember that i'm alive. its like what i imagine the 90s would feel like. it also reminds me that i am a girl, or at least present as one most of the time and dont really fit in, but oh well. sometimes i wish i were a boy, but not in a trans way, just in a i just wish dudes would treat me as one of them and not some creature entirely different. i wish i could know what its like to not have grown up with the pressure of not being to loud or taking up too much space. i wish i could feel the air against my skin without thinking about it. anyways. going to the skatepark has made me realize i need to get off the internet more (i realise i'm on the internet right now, but ya know i need to stop endlessly watching youtube and instagram reels), so i deleted instagram off my phone. i wanted to for a while but its the only place i keep up with some people ya know? but i still have it on my ipad i just wont reach for it as often especially when im out. ive also been trying to not listen to music on my earbuds as much when im out, i love love love music, but sometimes it's nice to just listen to the trees and the people. but yeah, well see how long this lasts but hopefully a while, i feel more alive when im not doomscrolling.
i just got home from work, 7 hour shift :p. it was ok, it actually went by decently fast. but now im tired but also bored. see now is about the time i would just lay in bed and watch youtube for hours with splitscreen cool math games at the same time cause my attention span is so shit. but! im trying not to do that so. my coworker said they are making a neocities portfolio for their friend and that reminded my this site exsits so here we are. id say this is better time spent than youtube lol. ok, bye for now :)
skateparks and longing for a time i never knew
⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*
hi! im gonna try to not be as emo and use this as an actual blog. i got a cd player and am currently listening to ichika aoba. i've been going to the skatepark a lot! it's really nice and fun, and makes me remember that i'm alive. its like what i imagine the 90s would feel like. it also reminds me that i am a girl, or at least present as one most of the time and dont really fit in, but oh well. sometimes i wish i were a boy, but not in a trans way, just in a i just wish dudes would treat me as one of them and not some creature entirely different. i wish i could know what its like to not have grown up with the pressure of not being to loud or taking up too much space. i wish i could feel the air against my skin without thinking about it. anyways. going to the skatepark has made me realize i need to get off the internet more (i realise i'm on the internet right now, but ya know i need to stop endlessly watching youtube and instagram reels), so i deleted instagram off my phone. i wanted to for a while but its the only place i keep up with some people ya know? but i still have it on my ipad i just wont reach for it as often especially when im out. ive also been trying to not listen to music on my earbuds as much when im out, i love love love music, but sometimes it's nice to just listen to the trees and the people. but yeah, well see how long this lasts but hopefully a while, i feel more alive when im not doomscrolling.
i just got home from work, 7 hour shift :p. it was ok, it actually went by decently fast. but now im tired but also bored. see now is about the time i would just lay in bed and watch youtube for hours with splitscreen cool math games at the same time cause my attention span is so shit. but! im trying not to do that so. my coworker said they are making a neocities portfolio for their friend and that reminded my this site exsits so here we are. id say this is better time spent than youtube lol. ok, bye for now :)
September 17, 2024
⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺
i dont think im meant for this.
i think i know too much.
i think i think too much.
i grew up too fast and too slow.
time moves like the waves of the sea, swallowing me whole.
am i in too deep now?
⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺
i dont think im meant for this.
i think i know too much.
i think i think too much.
i grew up too fast and too slow.
time moves like the waves of the sea, swallowing me whole.
am i in too deep now?
October 2, 2024
⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺
I try to piece back what I remember
I havent done it in so long
Yet it still feels like I've grown
I feel thicker
It still feels like I've changed
& that I haven't changed at all
But I have
Im older
Im wiser (maybe)
There's new drawings on my skin and my hair is shorter
You can't have it anymore
It wasn't even that long ago
I was alone in my room
With my papers and pens
I only knew you through a screen
I listened to this music
I was so small
Through it all
It still feels good to move
Maybe that's the constant
You didn't make me an artist
I've been in this world since the day I was born
I can't let you grow synonimous with it in my mind
I can't let you take that from me
I have always been here
I am grateful for what you gave me and what you taught me
But you are not all of it
I am all of it
I can't forget that
No one can take that from me
⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺
I try to piece back what I remember
I havent done it in so long
Yet it still feels like I've grown
I feel thicker
It still feels like I've changed
& that I haven't changed at all
But I have
Im older
Im wiser (maybe)
There's new drawings on my skin and my hair is shorter
You can't have it anymore
It wasn't even that long ago
I was alone in my room
With my papers and pens
I only knew you through a screen
I listened to this music
I was so small
Through it all
It still feels good to move
Maybe that's the constant
You didn't make me an artist
I've been in this world since the day I was born
I can't let you grow synonimous with it in my mind
I can't let you take that from me
I have always been here
I am grateful for what you gave me and what you taught me
But you are not all of it
I am all of it
I can't forget that
No one can take that from me
October 7, 2024
⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺
crying for no reason
maybe its my social anxiety
maybe its that i fell asleep without taking my meds last night
maybe its the fact that its been a year
and im crying for stupid reasons and not cause everything i know is gone
maybe its because of my period
maybe its becuase i hate that im crying
i hate being told im emotional
i worry my little brother sees me as a hysteric bitch of a sister
and thats just how it goes
and none of it matters
cause people are dying on the streets
and their red blood pierces through my screen
maybe its because i hate the fact that ive gotten so used to it
⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺
crying for no reason
maybe its my social anxiety
maybe its that i fell asleep without taking my meds last night
maybe its the fact that its been a year
and im crying for stupid reasons and not cause everything i know is gone
maybe its because of my period
maybe its becuase i hate that im crying
i hate being told im emotional
i worry my little brother sees me as a hysteric bitch of a sister
and thats just how it goes
and none of it matters
cause people are dying on the streets
and their red blood pierces through my screen
maybe its because i hate the fact that ive gotten so used to it
October 12, 2024
⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺
oh good for you
you got something out of all of that
you got someone out of all of that
all i got were memories
and then you left me alone
you destroyed my world and left me alone
more alone than ever
i thought we were friends
i really did
i know your not the one i should be mad at
⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺
oh good for you
you got something out of all of that
you got someone out of all of that
all i got were memories
and then you left me alone
you destroyed my world and left me alone
more alone than ever
i thought we were friends
i really did
i know your not the one i should be mad at
